the hurting

what I really wanna say is that I hurt
if I could pronounce this word I could be saved
but the word hurt has been erased from all the books and from all memories and from all languages
and I hurt in every language

somethimes I hide myself in a toung I cannot taste
or in between tattooed arms of bitter bikers with terrifying faces
I find it hard to find solice in places with fear

what I trully trully want to say is that
what I want is to remember the hurt like a harness of fleshy bloods filming my skin hardening it making it so opaque and

and I would know it will endure so much

(Amsterdam, 2 August 2018. MR)

Foto: Alexandra Ceornei